Heidi Montag fake break-up, Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag—the whoriest of the famewhores, the most promotional of the promosexuals, the couple that took Paris Hilton’s famous-for-nothing vocation and turned it into a winking, nonstop enterprise—are careful to say that they have no regrets. Living a fake life for the sake of cameras worked for them for years. Until it didn’t. They’re broke and living at Spencer’s parents’ beach house in Santa Barbara because of the free rent; Heidi’s body and face are forever changed from plastic surgeries she now wishes she had not gotten; their relationships with friends and family are severely damaged; and they have found themselves largely unemployable, both on camera and off. We discussed these issues over lunch recently at the couple’s favorite restaurant, Don Antonio’s in West L.A., where I had interviewed them three years earlier when they were at the top of their game with MTV’s docusoap The Hills, working every lever of the celebrity i...