Say What!? August 2012 Celebrity Quotes

Celebrity Quotes, We don't just love celebrities for their movies, music and revolving door relationships. No. We also love them for their insightful words of wisdom that always put a smile on our face.

Thanks to this month's batch of celebrity quotes, our lives are now enriched with knowledge of Sofia Vergara's bra size, Shia LaBeouf's premature retirement, and an answer to the age-old question of 'Is it normal to pee in a swimming pool?'

So flip through the gallery and let these words of great minds nourish and inspire you.

 Those with a delicate disposition should skip forward now. Olivia Munn -- of Magic Mike and The Newsroom fame -- has a strange way of dealing with stressful situations.

'I don't bite my nails, but I rip out my eyelashes. It doesn't hurt, but it's really annoying. Every time I run out of the house, I have to stop and pick up a whole set of fake eyelashes,' she told the New York Daily News. Her compulsive eyelash-plucking is a condition known as trichotillomania, which is the urge to rip out hair as a way of self-soothing. Not to be confused with that time you got carried away tweezing your eyebrows.

 Forbes recently announced that Sofia Vergara is the highest paid actress on TV, earning $19 million this past year and edging out Kim Kardashian by $1 million. But do you know what's more impressive/bigger than her bank balance? Her bra size, which is surely where she's stashing all her millions.

In the September issue of Allure magazine, Vergara reveals that her bra size is 32F (that's big enough to house Surf Village), although she'll opt for a 34DD in a pinch. 'Nobody with real boobs usually has those measurements,' the Modern Family actress explains before moving on to her derriere. 'I don't mind when the boobs get smaller. I don't like when the ass gets smaller. In Latin America, if you don't have a big ass, you're nothing.'

 Snoop Dogg has joined a long list of musicians to change their name in the hope of reviving their careers. He will now be universally known by the moniker Snoop Lion -- as in King of the Jungle, hear him roar -- and will also start making reggae music because, as he told a press conference, 'I have always said I was Bob Marley reincarnated.'

Anyway, our choice quote doesn't come from Snoop Wolf/Lion/Pegasus, it comes from Zach Braff who took to Twitter to mock the rapper: 'People changing their name just to get press. So lame. Incidentally, my new name is Zach Lion Metta World Peace Dirty Money Cher.'

 Karl Lagerfeld made headlines in February when he called Adele 'a little too fat' and now he's gone and royally put his foot in it by dissing Kate Middleton's scene-stealing sister Pippa. Unleashing yet another deathly nugget of bitchery, Karl told The Sun newspaper, 'Kate Middleton has a nice silhouette and she is the right girl for that boy. I like that kind of woman. I like romantic beauties. On the other hand, her sister struggles. I don't like the sister's face. She should only show her back.'

 Have you ever wondered why Victoria Beckham never smiles? In the September issue of Glamour, the 38-year-old fashion designer explains why she's rarely photographed flashing her pearly whites. 'I actually used to smile a lot in pictures. I think I only stopped smiling when I got into fashion,' before adding, 'Fashion stole my smile! I've created this person. And I'm not saying that's not me, but I wouldn't say that's the whole me.'

That explains a lot and we can totally picture a hunched over Victoria, stroking her face, battling with this 'other person' she's created, and uttering, 'The thieves! The thieves! The filthy little thieves! Where is it? Where isssss it? They stole it from us. My ssssmile. Curse them! We hates them! Wicked, tricksy, false!'

 Will Ferrell is pretty heartbroken over the recent breakup of human girl Kristen Stewart and her vampire boyfriend Robert Pattinson. Making an appearance on Conan, The Campaign actor couldn't hold back his tears and wailed over the cheating scandal. 'They were in love,' a visibly distraught Ferrell sobbed. 'And she just threw it all away!'

Conan O'Brien then attempted to calm down Ferrell, but he snapped inconsolably: 'It's not going to be fine, EVER! Never going to be fine! What they had was so special. You don't even know! You would never know! She. . . is a trampire!'

 The war between Elton John and Madonna has been taken to a new level after six whole months of uneasy ceasefire. Always the one to fire the first shot, Elton John lashed out at Madonna several times in an interview with Australia's Sunday Night. 'She's such a nightmare,' reeled the Rocket Man. 'Sorry, her career is over. Her tour has been a disaster and it couldn't happen to a bigger c**t.'

He then went on (because there was really no stopping the train): 'If Madonna had any common sense, she would have made a record like 'Ray of Light,' stayed away from the dance stuff, and just been a great pop singer and made great pop records, which she does brilliantly. But no, she had to prove that she [could do it all] and she looks like a f***ing fairground stripper.' Miaow.

 Pamela Anderson was eliminated in the seventh week of Dancing with the Stars when she competed in 2010, but now that she's been invited back for season 15's all-star edition, she swears she'll approach things a little differently. 'I've sworn off men until November. . . [And I will] rehearse a lot more and try to stay out of trouble because I'm a self-sabotager,' the bombshell man-eater told People.com. Competitors in the new DWTS include actress Kirstie Alley, 'N Sync's Joey Fatone and 98 Degrees singer Drew Lachey. It will premiere on September 24th, which means two whole months of Pammy keeping her clothes on -- think she can do it?

 Sorry to leak this to you in the midst of Summer, but Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte and Michael Phelps have revealed that, on occasions, people do relieve themselves in the pool.

'I think there's just something about getting into chlorine water that you just automatically go,' Lochte said on Seacrest's radio show, while also joining in on the candid confessions, Phelps told the Wall Street Journal: 'I think everybody pees in the pool. It's kind of a normal thing to do for swimmers. When we're in the water for two hours, we don't really get out to pee.' But it's not a problem, because 'chlorine kills it.'

 If you haven't caught TLC's latest ratings grabber, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, then you're missing out on the joys of gay pigs, farting, and 'The Redneck Summer Games.' You're also missing out on Mamma Boo Boo comparing a certain body part of hers to a split open Hardee's biscuit, but we'll spare you that quote.

Anyway, this show is basically 30 minutes worth of sound bites, our favourites of which include Honey Boo Boo Child explaining that her pig is gay because 'you can't tell a pig what to do.' There's also some precious diet advice from 15-year-old 'Chubs,' who says 'if you fart 12-15 times a day, you could lose a lot of weight, so I think I'm gonna lose a lot of weight.'

 Okay, okay, Justin Bieber we get it. Your hair is magnificent. A single strand of your golden locks can produce six million gallons of eau de toilette, neutralize Basilisk venom, and add colour and depth to any paella. But Bieber, there's really no need for you to make fun of those less hairy than you. Like Prince William.

In an interview with U.K. magazine Rollercoaster, the Biebs questioned why the royal prince hasn't taken care of his thinning hair problem. 'I mean, there are things to prevent that nowadays, like Propecia. I don't know why he doesn't just get those things, those products. You just take Propecia and your hair grows back. Have you not got it over here?'

 She's one of the most visible celebrities in the world, but that doesn't mean you've seen all of Lady Gaga. In the September issue of Vogue magazine, the Mother Monster talks about her love for sex on the beach and she doesn't mean the fruity cocktail kind.

'I'm a complete free spirit, so, even though you don't see it, I still find time to have sex at night on the beach when no one's around,' she says in the magazine. 'Or roll into a bar and get f****d up, and dance with my top off. It's just that no one ever sees that, because I have great real friends who never let me do it when I would get caught.'

 Hmmm...What to think of this? Referencing a song from his upcoming GOOD Music compilation Cruel Summer, Kanye West recently tweeted, 'I wrote the song 'Perfect B****' about Kim.'

Is this some kind of Yeezy compliment, or does he deserve a catty palm to the face? Let's see what Kim Kardashian had to say to TMZ on the matter: 'I'm honored. I love it. I know he doesn't mean it in a negative way when he says the word 'b****.' The song talks about how he was with so many other girls but could never find the right one until he met me.' So we gueeeess it's a compliment right? No? Yes? Should you use it as a pick-up line at the bar? We're so confused!

 While most celebrities credit their baby-faced beauty to diet, sleep, exercise and yadda, yadda, yadda (feel free to zone out), Kelly Ripa has just come out and said it, admitting that her youthful appearance is down to Botox.

Speaking to In Touch magazine, the Live! host revealed, 'I work out every day. I don't overeat. I try to drink water, but I prefer wine, and when all else fails, I get Botox injected right here, right into my forehead as much as possible!' She adds that she knows it's time for another face-freezing top-up when her kids can see her frowning.

 There's no denying he's the fastest man alive, but according to Usain Bolt after his first-place finish in the 200m Olympic race, he's also the 'greatest athlete who EVER LIVED.' That's quite the claim, so what say the rest of the sporting community?

Since Michael Jordan, Wayne Gretzky, Muhammad Ali and Pele have better things to do than partake in idle entertainment news, former decathlon gold medalist Bruce Jenner (who now does nothing but partake in idle entertainment news) offered his two cents. 'He's the best sprinter. He can't pole vault, he can't throw anything. . . that's an athlete,' Jenner told TMZ, before adding that, should the Lightning Bolt compete in a decathlon 'he would be terrible.'

 Miley Cyrus chopped off all her hair this month. And we don't just mean into a short mom-bob like she had at the 2012 Billboard Music Awards, we mean she chopped off ALL her hair in a quasi-pixie cut, come Britney Spears head shaving circa 2007. She's also coloured it platinum blonde, making her indistinguishable from the 'Dancing on My Own' Robyn.

But apparently, people seem to approve of Miley's Swedish europop hairstyle (kinda). 'Someone just told me I'm prettier than Miley Cyrus,' she proudly tweeted.]

 Shia LaBeouf has already made it quite clear that he won't be involved in any forthcoming Transformers films, but it looks like his aversion to blockbusters runs deeper than Michael Bay's CGI spectaculars. LaBeouf now says he'll be 'devoting his career to indie film.'

Tired of merely badmouthing Steven Spielberg for 'dropping the ball' on Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, LaBeouf turned his verbal attack weapons to a bigger target: the entire studio system of Hollywood.

'I'm done. There's no room for being a visionary in the studio system. It literally cannot exist. . . [the studios] give you the money, then get on a plane and come to the set and stick a finger up your ass and chase you around for five months,' the actor whined to the Hollywood Reporter. Are we really expected to feel sorry for him? Wasn't he paid $5 million for Transformers 3?

 During an appearance on the Late Show With David Letterman, Jennifer Garner discussed her new movie (The Odd Life of Timothy Green), her family, and the virtues of growing old. You may be surprised to hear that Garner is 40 years old -- even though she look as though she's 40 going on 14 -- and is happy to have reached the milestone. Unlike her hubby Ben Affleck.

'I don't know that he's as thrilled with the idea of 40 as I am,' the actress revealed before Letterman probed, 'What's the problem? Is it low T?'

'Really, David! He will thump you. Have you seen my husband lately? He is walking testosterone,' she laughed wildly. No doubt also seeing the caveman resemblance audiences observe in each of his movies.

Continuing her Next Chapter interviews, in which she picks at the rotten carcasses of troubled celebrities, Oprah Winfrey recently turned her attention to Rihanna and the question that was on everyone's mind: does she still have feelings for Chris Brown?

After a teary recollection of the abuse she suffered at his hand in 2009, RiRi told O that she and Brown are 'working' on their friendship again. 'We're very, very close friends. We built a trust again and that's it. We love each other and we probably always will.' She then went on to admit that, whenever she's seen him, 'it's awkward because I still love him. . . my stomach drops and I have to maintain this poker face and not let it get to the outer part of me.' It's almost like she needs to check into rehab, because he's her disease. Now gimme that oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.