Gollum
Long presumed dead after disappearing on Mt. Doom Gollum later turned up taking night courses at the UNLV law school.
“Smeagol likeses the night timeses he does. Smeagol was looking for something to do whilst he searches for his precious. Stupid fat hobbitses take Smeagol’s precious!”
After graduating at the bottom of his class, “Professors hateses Smeagol!” Gollum took a job at the Clark County District Attorney’s office, specializing in cases involving drug trafficking, “Smeagols takeses those addicted to precious off the streetses!” possession of controlled substances, violent felonies and crimes involving theft. “Smeagols hateses thieves, especially stupid fats hobbitses!”
Gollum later resigned his position as a prosecutor to open his law firm.
A commercial for his firm has begun airing on local TV stations. In it Gollum stands in front of a bookshelf and asks:
Have you been a victim of a crime? Have you had something precious stolen from you? Perhaps you’ve been tortured by Sauron in Mordor? If so let Smeagol help you! Smeagol will win your case and get a substantial cash settlement. A settlement that will let you buy a new precious!
Already the testimonials are pouring in.
“Gollum won my case for me. And he was cheap” declared one happy customer. “All he asked for as a fee was some raw fish. And a precious. Whatever that is.”
“I was arrested for possession” said another. “Since this was my third offense I was looking at a potential life sentence. But Gollum won my case. Sure things were touch and go for awhile, especially after he was cited for contempt when he threw a raw fish at the judge but now I’m happy.”
In another commercial that should begin airing in March Gollum stands in front of the building his office is in and declares, “Let Smeagols helpses you. Smeagols hateses social injusticeses we does. We hates it. We hates it. We hates it forever!”
Those wishing to hire Gollum are advised to call his 24-hour number and make an appointment. They are also advised to bring raw fish to the initial free consultation.
If they have no raw fish it is advised to bring your precious.: We can't stop with the "Lord of the Rings" references. Here's one of the villains, Gollum (remember his other name?).
I’ve just stepped out of a screening of The Return of the King, the final film in Peter Jackson’s trilogy, The Lord of the Rings, taken that breath and I don’t quite know how to react. You see, these films were an enormous journey, and I don’t mean for the characters you see on-screen. For those of us behind the cameras, who’ve fought our own battles, seen our own heroes rise and have helped give birth to this phenomenon — this enterprise that is LOTR — it’s been an experience that is difficult to know how to absorb.Only yesterday, it was March 1999. I was sitting in a hotel room in Las Vegas with John Sheils (Weta Digital’s effects supervisor at the time). He was showing me a tape of some of the work that Weta Workshop and Weta Digital had been doing to prepare for the upcoming trilogy. This was before any actors had been picked, before Weta Digital had grown to fill five buildings (including mo-cap) and before many of us even had heard of a little restaurant named Eva Dixon’s (destined to become the “Weta Cafeteria”).
How was anyone to know that the little spinning blue creature I saw before me would become an obsession for so many people in a little less than three years?
Gollum was unique in that everyone had their preconceived notions about who he was, what he should look like, how he should act, how he should move… but nobody really had the authority to define him other than Peter. We knew that he was going to be the toughest character to create, as he had to “live” along-side the pivotal actors Elijah Wood and Sean Astin, so Weta Digital took to him with a passion.
I recently was reading Psalm 107, which made me think of Gollum, because it reads like the dialogue from Lord of the Rings. Take verse 10, for example: “Some sat in darkness and the deepest gloom, prisoners suffering in iron chains.” I can imagine Gollum saying something like that. I can also imagine if Jesus had a part in this epic tale and was to meet Gollum, we would later hear him quoting verses 14 and 15: “He brought them out of darkness and the deepest gloom and broke away their chains. Let them give thanks to the Lord for His unfailing love and His wonderful deeds for men.”
There was no Savior to rescue Gollum from his deepest gloom, but here in the real world, Jesus specializes in doing just that. There is no debating this world is full of gloom. Many of us are in chains, whether they be actual chains, emotional, societal, financial – you name it. Whatever darkness it is that has you, you are not without hope. In Luke 4:18, Jesus said He came to bring freedom to prisoners and the oppressed. Why not call out to Him today? Call out to Him from your place of deepest gloom and let Him break away your chains